Happy anniversary, haunting stare and embarrassing superstition!
I have such complicated memories associated with Nirvana’s Unplugged, and especially with the closing number “Where did you Sleep Last Night”. For some reason, all through middle school and high school, I believed that watching this song before an exam, and specifically concentrating on the magical sequence of Kurt Cobain yelling The whole, pausing, looking up (at me, in my imagination), and taking a deep breath before growling night through, would be my good luck charm.
This is misguided in so many ways. The idea that a song about a loose woman (with possibly racist origins) performed by a man who put a shotgun to his head not six month later would bring a 16-year-old girl good luck on an exam is so ludicrous and outlandish that it’s hard for me to imagine what went inside my head when I decided on this ritual. Looking back at it, I guess it all comes down to the stare. There was something so beautiful and pure about that look that allowed me to somehow strip it of any context, and attach my own frivolous meanings and inconsequential concerns to it. It’s either that or I was just a very melodramatic and dumb teenager.
I think I’m dumb.